Recipe for Building Snowmen

    Wear five layers to prepare yourself for the cold, or wear just enough for warmth without restricting movement. You don't want to get outside only to find you've bundled in such a way that you are now the younger brother from A Christmas Story; only able to waddle feebly. Put on your big snow boots, the ones with a rubber coating, the ones that go halfway up your calf. Sneak past the dogs eager to play, that will come later, and step outside.

  Take a second before starting, let the blank canvas of perfectly white snow sink in. Imagine you are in Alberta, Canada or frost barren Siberia or the Arctic. You are an explorer here in this foreign land as you take your first step into the white. Hear it crunch beneath the weight of your foot. Savor that first sound, that first movement. Okay, now its officially winter, you are ready to begin. Ready to sculpt an army to help you with your explorations in this alien world.

   Even through your gloves the snow will be bitingly cold. That's okay, it'll keep you moving. Roll your ball of snow first right to left, then forward and backward until the small snow ball grows bigger, pulling more available snow in like a burr to velcro. Once its at a good size push it with both hands, zig-zag a path. Create a respectable base. Be sure to switch directions that you roll here too or you'll end up with an oblong boulder that simple won't be round at all.

   If you're satisfied, or cannot roll your base any further, leave it and move on to the next section. It is basically the same process, but this time the key is to stop before it grows just as big as the first. Stop instead when the second section is still small enough to lift reasonably. This measurement is harder to eye-ball than you might think. The snow is always going to be just a little heavier than it initially looks. When lifting, remember to bend at the knees downwards, not with your back. If you bend at the waist or back, you probably won't be able to lift your second rock of snow. Also you'll probably hurt yourself. Don't hurt yourself.

   Your second section might crash or smash upon connection. Don't despair; there's more snow. Rebuild, reuse, recycle. For the head, roll a ball that is 2-4x the size of your average throwing-snow-ball. Attach it, or attempt to attach it as this one will probably be uncooperative as well. Add a hat, scarf, pipe, etc. if you want, I think snowmen are just as fun plain.

The snowmen, sorry if its a little hard to see them

   What now? Enjoy your success. Then repeat the past few steps as desired until you have an army to protect your yard. Also you'll have many more things to hide behind if a snow ball fight breaks out. Extra cover is always a plus.